IN MY WILDEST IMAGINATION...

I lay there unable to move even a finger.

I looked at the sorrow in the eyes and heart of my mother whom I loved most of all after Allah subhaanahu wa ta'aalaa and His Final Messenger.

She cried;

‘O my masoo iya, (my love), may Allah subhaanahu wa ta'aalaa have mercy on your soul’.

What? Was I dead? No, I wasn’t.

And then I tried to stand up but no way, I simply couldn’t.  I thought of all the time I had been up and about like I was never ever going to lose strength.

Then I saw my lovely family and friends whom I adore. Each one of them cried somehow, though some had no tears in their eyes yet I could see the tears in their hearts. I could see beyond the walls and beyond the opaque bodies of all the lovely people, me, who couldn’t see clearly beyond some few metres some few minutes ago. Those who loved me true probably thought they couldn’t do without me.

Some wished they had made the effort to be a little kinder to me as some also wished they had the power to just keep me alive even if it is for another day

I wondered;

‘Why so suddenly?’ 

I never probably thought it was going to be this soon for me.

Then I began to think as all the people around me treated me so special in a strange way. But were the ways in which they treated me strange at all? I remembered it wasn’t.

Though I had lost a number of my family and friends before, I could remember one whose special treatment I had been a witness to.

The different kinds of incenses and perfumes that were used, the perfumed water, the purely white cloths and the exceptional care that was rendered to the body that had lost it all became very clear to me now.

So then it meant that this was my time. Where was I going after they have given me all these cleanliness treat and carried me on their shoulders like it had no other use and then dumped me into a 6 feet hole that is not cemented not caring how much they have tried to keep me absolutely clean or the purity of my white gown?

A picture of one lifeless body I had seen hit my face. He was wrapped up and lying there. He had suddenly grown so lean and so long. I thought of all the feelings I had had seeing him like that and just imagined what those who looked upon me were going through. I knew it wasn’t pleasant one little bit but I felt absolutely normal as I lay there.

I thought of all the people I had known who had never had that which they wished for because they had suddenly dropped dead with their dreams shattered. I ask myself;

‘Rubaba, if you are put in that hole, what next?’ Was I going to go to Hell? 

I screamed,

 ‘NOOOOOOOOO! Yaa Allah! Glorified be you above all else. Have mercy upon my soul’ Was I going to Paradise? ‘Hmmmmmmmm! Yaa Allah! I want to be there and in the very best of Paradise as well’.

But do I deserve that which I wish for? Now, let’s go back to the times when I had energy and when I could move my body. What did I do? Of course, I couldn’t have done everything and I couldn’t have been 100% a great girl or woman but I knew the purpose of my life as my Creator had made clear to me;  

‘And I did not create the Jinn and the Humans except for them to worship me’. 

Did I try to live by that? If I did, was it satisfactory? What about all the times I had wasted for many useless things that cannot help me now that I need help most? Did I try to impress people and forget Allah subhaanahu wa ta'aalaa? Did I say one good thing and did another bad thing? Did I try to let people- who didn’t give a hoot to Allah subhaanahu wa ta'aalaa and His rules- rule my life by telling me what to do and what not to do? Did I try to please the people around me by being a partial obeyer of Allah subhaanahu wa ta'aalaa? Did I consider what people would say before I considered what Allah would say?

Well, the questions kept streaming in and it looked like I couldn’t answer even a single one of them. I wasn’t impressed with myself even though I thought I had tried but I thought again that I could have tried just a little harder to do more than I had done. I thought of all the great women and men who had inspired me as I lived. Haven’t they done even more????????? So then why couldn’t I do more?

Tears began to fill my eyes in disappointment and then I ignorantly began to pray for a second chance so I could give my all in all as much as I could even though I knew that after death there was no second chance. Suddenly, it struck me that I hadn’t seen ‘Malakul Maut’ that is The Angel of Death in all of my death imaginations. I tried for the last time to stand up and I did. No one was around me. I wasn’t even at home but rather in school and just lying there. Honestly, I wasn’t even sleeping. I realized that it was one of my usual trances I had fell in or is it one of my imaginations that had suddenly gone too wild.

Whatever the case, I thought that this could have just happened in reality. I don’t have the license to my life any way. No one has. Again I thought, perhaps, Allah subhaanahu wa ta'aalaa had given me a second chance to do my very best as I had promised. If I don’t, He was going to hold me to task. I knew one thing for sure; perhaps Allah subhaanahu wa ta'aalaa will grant me long life but perhaps, I wouldn’t have that. So then, I take caution and I plead with you to take caution as well.

When you are feeling on top of the world with all that the world can offer you which would not benefit you on such a day, think about the story of my wildest imagination which had hit me with the truth so hard and take advice from it at least even if you don’t believe it is truth I am telling you.

‘All those who listen to me shall pass on my words to others, and those to others again; and may the last ones understand my words better than those who listen to me directly. Be my witness O Allaah, that I have conveyed Your message to Your people." 
 Prophet Muhammed (SAW)

May death come to us when we are in the best of our states of ihsaan. Aameen.

Jazaakumul Laahu khair!!! 

Assalaamu alaikum wa rahmatul Laah

Islam Forever in shaa Allah

Rubaba Mmahajia Rahma Sabtiu

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