TO MY BROTHER: ‘WHY THE MUSLIMAH CANNOT BE ROMANTIC.’

Bismil Laahir Rahmaanir Raheem

Assalaamu alaikum wa rahmatul Laahi wa barkaatuhu brothers in Islam. 

Alhamdu lil Laahi thumma alhamdu lil Laah for the linkage among us as brothers and sisters, which is Islam. May we live to fulfill the purpose of our lives. Aameen. Allah, Nurus samaawaati wal ard, tells us that;

‘You are the best nation produced [as an example] for mankind. You enjoin what is right and forbid what is wrong and believe in Allah...’

Surah ‘Al-‘Imraan, the family of ‘Imraan, Chapter 3 ayah 110

May Allah, Ar-Razzak, make us among the best of nations. Aameen.

In my wild thoughts today, something came up. Something very interesting if you asked me. 

About a Year Plus Ago

So I was on a table with a sister of mine at a program. It was a GMSA (Ghana Muslim Student’s Association) handling over ceremony of one of the Halls in the University of Ghana. As we enjoyed the whole process, hot issues started coming up and as usual some of the guys started complaining about how difficult the Muslim ladies made it for them to ‘grab,’ a term for having a wife to be/husband to be on campus.

I wasn’t surprised because it seemed to be the norm. If one does not hear a discussion on this topic at any gathering of Muslims on campus, then there is definitely something wrong (smiles).

The Unfortunate Comments

So a guy out of wonder made a comment. Let me try to quote him;

‘And what is so special about the Muslim lady that the non-Muslim ladies do not have? And why are the Muslim ladies making themselves so difficult, are they better than the non-Muslim ladies.’

Well, you might not agree with me, but I thought that it was very unfortunate on his part to say that. Being someone who never keeps it in but let it out, I wanted to comment right away but I decided to stay under cover for that day even though it hurt not to say my mind. Other issues that came up, I don’t remember whether it was before his or after. Trying to quote one of them;

‘The Muslim ladies are not friendly at all.’

And I guess the issue of Muslim ladies not being romantic also came up.

Much Longer Years Ago

I was a level 100 student MCing a get together of the Muslims on campus organized by the Ladies’ Wing of GMSA. The issue of ‘grabbing’ came up. It was the first time I heard of anything like that. The passion exuded by the students on the topic was amazing. Most of the comments from the brothers put me off (Don’t worry, I was fresh from SHS and I had all the girls’ chichis with me, not my fault).

One of the resource persons, a mother of mine, told me that if we knew those were the things we wanted to talk about then we shouldn’t have invited them (the resource persons, that is). I did agree with her. Then my annoyance got to the peak when one guy took the mic., stood in front of the high table and said;

‘If you Muslim ladies do not want us to grab you, we will go for the non-Muslim ladies and you will not have anyone.’

Tried to quote him.

As he spoke, I suddenly went to take the mic. from him but that mother of mine told me to stop (I guess I was being a little rude). And this woman was annoyed than I was. 

Ok, enough of that one. Not a very good night I had any way.

Now, let me appoint myself the Muslimah’s ambassador. Fortunately for me, my name suddenly came up to respond to the issues that were raised at the GMSA handling over ceremony I wrote about above in the capacity of a former former women’s commissioner. I took the opportunity to make our Muslim men understand some little things about the Muslim lady.

My Point

The nature of our campus is such that we need to be together as Muslim ladies and gentlemen in order to enjoin upon one another that which is good (very scarce in that kind of environment) and forbid one another from that which is bad (abundant in that kind of environment). I have seen a lot of Muslims grow in the deen in their years in the university and vice versa. Unfortunately, no matter how close a man (Muslim or not) is to a Muslimah (who knows the dos and don’ts of being a Muslimah), there will always be that barrier between she and them.

So, I had made them understand that they should thank Allah for the attitude of such Muslim ladies who do not want to get too close (and a Muslimah can never get too close if only she knew the rules). She would not shake hands with you, hug you, give you pegs or kisses, she would not lie in the same bed with you, she would not be alone with you in the room (yours or hers), etc. Simply, she cannot get intimate, ever.

Now, the lack of intimacy that some Muslim men see from such Muslim ladies make them say a lot of unfortunate things, things that they should be giving thanks to Allah for. One thing that as a Muslim man you have to note is that;

‘Every woman has her charms. The Muslim woman tries to protect you from her charms as much as she can if you are not her husband or a relative whom she cannot marry.’

It is indeed true that we need the Muslim ladies and Muslim gentlemen to know one another, to grab one another for the purpose of marriage and nothing else. Unfortunately however, I can say with certainty that most of the grabbing that I saw happen whilst on campus never ended up in marriage. It is therefore necessary for every Muslimah that the Muslim guys understand this about them. 

Don’t Even Make it an Option

The Muslim woman is special by all standards and alhamdu lil Laah that some of the guys that I have met understand and respect this fact. For a Muslim guy to threaten that he would go for a non-Muslim lady instead if the Muslim lady does not avail herself to him, that is too bad. At the end of the day, he suffers? And we have seen a lot of our Muslim guys suffer the consequences of such an option. They cannot even have their children to be totally Muslim or even partly Muslim.

Alhamdu lil Laah, after my long passionate talk on the subject, the guy who had made the comment at the handling over had apologized and others as well. Today, he is one of my good Muslim brothers. Alhamdu lil Laah!

Respect the Muslimah who protects you from her charms

The Muslimah cannot be romantic to a man who isn’t her husband or a relative she cannot marry because we all know where ‘romantic’ leads to. The best kind of friendship you can have with her will always be strictly platonic. 

Allah tells us what our relationship as Muslim women and Muslim men should be like. He says;

The believing men and believing women are allies of one another. They enjoin what is right and forbid what is wrong and establish prayer and give zakah and obey Allah and His Messenger. Those - Allah will have mercy upon them. Indeed, Allah is Exalted in Might and Wise.

Surah At-Taubah, the Repentance, Chapter 9 ayah 71

My dear brother in Islam, the ayah above says it all. Remember to thank Allah azza wa jal for that Muslimah who saves you from her ‘romantic’ side, her charms, because indeed, by doing so, she saves you from a whole lot of trouble.

Do forgive me if I stepped on your toe in the wrong way and may Allah, the Forgiver of our every fault, forgive us all. Aameen.

Taqabbalul Laahu minnaa. Aameen.

Remember always that I love you fiisabi lil Laah and if you love me for the same reason then may Allah subhaanahu wa ta’aalaa love us even more. Aameen.

Jazaakumul Laahu khair!!!

ISLAM FOREVER IN SHAA ALLAH!

Assalaamu alaikum wa rahmatul Laah!!!

Rubaba Mmahajia Rahma Sabtiu

www.mmahajia.blogspot.com