THE 'BF' SAGA, NOT WORTH THE MUSLIMAH'S ATTENTION

Assalaamu alaikum warahmatul Laah dear sis. It is yet another day. Alhamdu lil Laah for His abundant mercies. Indeed, we can never count the blessings of Allah upon our lives just as He tells us;

‘And if you should count the favors of Allah, you could not enumerate them. Indeed, Allah is Forgiving and Merciful.’

Surah An-Nahl, the Bee, Chapter 16 ayah 18

It will be great however if we made the attempt sometimes to count our numerous blessings even though we know too well they’re uncountable. That way, the reality of Allah’s Might will hit us hard and then we’d get the understanding that indeed His greatness cannot be comprehended.

Allah’s mercies upon my life especially are a miracle and that recognition helps my connection with ‘Him’ get better. Alhamdu lil Laah! 

That was just by the way. I want us to talk about something quite interesting. After my article on the, ‘Muslimah Sisterhood,’ which discussed the fact that in our relationship as sisters in Islam, we must encourage one another to that which is good and discourage one another from that which is bad, I feel the need to write on this ‘BF Saga.’

I believe that we all know the essence of covering for the woman in Islam. Allah says;

‘…That will be better, that they should be known (as free respectable women) so as not to be annoyed. And Allah is Ever Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful.’

Surah Al-Ahzab, the Confederates, Chapter 33 ayah 59

It is both our right and our responsibility to know, understand and put into action the rules Allah azza wa jal has made for us in order to preserve our dignity throughout our lives. It is our right because those rules that guard and guide us aren’t made by man so no one can dare change them. They are our blessing. It is however our responsibility to put these rules into action in order to preserve our honour as ‘Muslim ladies.’ 

The Muslim woman’s cover has not ‘outlived its usefulness,’ Hajia Samia Zouain, an Islamic public speaker, argues out at a recent programme, ‘Ghana Muslimah Dilemma (GMD).’ I would put it as;

‘The Islamic concept of covering for the woman is equally as useful today as it was 1400 minus years ago and it will continue to be so until the end of time.’

This article isn’t about covering anyway but the ‘whys’ of this covering is very essential for the subject I want us to discuss.

A QUESTION: How is the Islamic covering done and why?

I wish you could answer that before you continue with this article. 

To cut a long story short. There are two ways to cover in Islam; ‘Physical and Spiritual.’ The physical is what we popular know as the ‘Hijab.’ You dress in such a way that you know your;

1.      whole body is covered except your hands and face (sometimes feet)

2.      dress is loose enough that it doesn’t reveal your body shape

3.      dress is not transparent

That is so that your natural feminine body attraction is taken out of the way in your day to day activities with people. That guards you against any unnecessary distractions in your worship of Allah especially from the males.

The ‘Spiritual Cover’ deals with a lot more than a physical dress. It is about your attitudes, character and the state of your heart. It has to do with being ‘modest,’ ‘chaste,’ ‘pure,’ and ‘spiritual.’

Modesty, Chastity, Purity, Spirituality…

I understand the linkage among these four to be;

‘Modesty leads to chastity and chastity leads to purity and purity leads to spirituality.’

You might differ with me on that but let’s just agree that I’m right. 

Modesty is such that you want to make sure you aren’t sexually upset and you don’t upset anyone sexually so you put in place measures to prevent that as much as you can. The feeling of modesty thus starts from the heart and then shows on the body.

If your modesty is like that then your chastity, total abstinence from illegal sexual acts, is ensured. What chastity does to a woman is also to keep her pure because illegal sexual acts are considered some dirt unto a person in Islam. Purity also helps the woman in her spiritual inclination to Allah. A perfect example of a woman like that is our mother Maryam, alayhas salaam. May we be blessed with all that. Aameen.

NOTE: The fact that you haven’t been modest or chaste your whole life does not mean that you cannot achieve this purity or spirituality. You can always start somewhere. Just make that intention and in shaa Allah, you will be blessed with them.

The ‘BF’ Saga…

A young Muslim man in a tertiary institution dates two Muslim ladies, his fellow students. This man says he intends to marry both of them at different times somewhere in his future. From these two precious Muslim sisters who aren’t his wives, he gets sexual satisfaction. What I mean is that he has sexual intimacy with them and they cook for him and do all that a wife does for a husband for him. They are supposed to be Muslims, ‘people who play by Islamic rules.’ And these he tells his friends proudly.

Now, that is a true story and that is an extremely sad one indeed.

A young religious Muslimah lady finds herself a Muslim guy. A knowledgeable and religious ‘Islamic Icon’ in a tertiary institution. She is glad because their families know about them and their plans for future marriage. Soon, the guy starts demanding ‘sex.’ Subhaanal Laah! The lady wonders, someone like you too? Interesting when you think about it. And he lets her know that there are other ways of getting that and it seemed like he was getting that from a non-Muslim lady, she found out.

Now, this is also a true story and it is even more unfortunate.

There are numerous stories like these. And if some of the Muslim guys are going to tell you about how some Muslim ladies are used by their fellow Muslim friends and even non-Muslim guys, you will marvel. Some are humiliated in those tiny students’ rooms and on those tiny beds. 

There are many stories of Muslim ladies who date and do stuff with non-Muslim guys. There are stories of many Muslim ladies who date guys for years and do stuff with them and don’t even end up marrying them. 

That is the ‘BF’ Saga that Muslim women should talk about no matter how extremely sensitive the issue is.

We have to understand that some men are out there only searching for women to fulfill their illicit sexual desires. The Muslimah must never and ever be a victim to them. Take the rape cases out of this. May Allah azza wa jal save us from that. Aameen. A Muslimah in her right senses must never ever settle for that.

Proposals are not something that she could prevent even though she could avoid some so she must know how to handle these guys if she doesn’t want to marry them and if she wants to marry a particular guy, then she should know how to go about it.

When a guy proposes and it is not marriage now or soonest, then it is not worth considering. That is because of the ills that could come about in the process of dating for years before marriage.

I tell most of the guys that I am cool with who want ladies they could marry in years to come one thing;

‘Wait until you are ready in those years to come and in shaa Allah, you will get a wife who will be good enough for you.’

Alhamdu lil Laah! Some of them take it and even feel happy about it. May Allah continue to bless such people. Aameen.

It is not easy to find a man who wants to marry you in years to come who will stay away from any kind of evil with you even though there are some; I have seen some before. Therefore, do not take chances.

It is unfortunate that it is becoming a norm to have a guy because all your friends have guys. And it is even more unfortunate that some Muslim ladies turn these men into their ‘providers.’ The guys provide their phones, laptops, monthly money, dresses, and many more. And it is indeed true that;

‘A woman most of the time pays in kind for the cash she gets from a man.’

Even when the Muslim woman is in need, she could not stoop that low. She could not gamble her relationship with Allah for that. And sad enough, sometimes, it is even the ladies who do the taking care of.

These are realities among us. We could not sweep them under the carpet and pretend that all is well. Let not the Muslimah fear that she might not get a husband if she doesn’t preserve a guy for herself. It is never true, believe me. Just do the right thing and when the time comes to get married, that man will come who will treat you just fine before and after marriage in shaa Allah.

Note that these are issues we should ponder on and decide for ourselves whether we want to be part of all these confusions of the ‘BOYFRIEND Saga.’ 

‘Most definitely, a man who wants to be a boyfriend instead of a husband isn’t worth the Muslimah’s attention.’

I love you my sister, fiisabilil Laah!

SISTERS FOREVER!!!

ASSALAAMU ALAIKUM!!!

Rubaba Mmahajia Rahma Sabtiu

www.mmahajia.blogspot.com