THE 5AM CLUB: Wallow in Bliss and See Humanity Glow

Bismil Laahir Rahmaanir Raheem

Assalaamu alaykum wa Rahmatullaahi wa Barkaatuhu my dear brothers and sisters. Alhamdulillaah for the countless blessings Allah azza wa jal has endowed us with. We are fully grateful. We pray that He, subhaanahu wa ta'aalaa, continue to ease our affairs and accept our minute efforts to please Him. Aameen Yaa Allah.

Today, I am going to give you a review of a book I read recently - The 5AM Club by Robin Sharma. It is a wonderful book by many standards.

During the reign of Omar ibn Al-Khattab radiyallaahu anhu as Khalifa (leader) of the Muslims, he exhibited beautiful leadership traits that I believe everyone should learn about. He had learnt these traits from the best of humankind - Prophet Muhammad suallallaahu alayhi wa sallam.

I could talk about Abu Bakr As-Siddeeq radiyallaahu anhu as well but Umar's reign was much longer.

There were times when visitors could not make out the Ameer (Umar) from his subordinates as he sat with them because there was nothing that differentiated him from the others physically. This, he had learnt from his boss.

Umar's popular night vigils have so much sauce in them for great leadership. His acute sense of responsibility was so much so that he mostly cried when he thought he had been negligent about some responsibility.

He was a product of the teachings of Prophet Muhammad suallallaahu alayhi wa sallam.

Among the key lessons the Prophet had taught his companions was RISING EARLY IN THE MORNING. Yes! For special benefits, the earlier before Fajr, the better. And approximately, Fajr is at 5am though it differs slightly for countries due to the different time zones. 

If you won't wake up for Tahajjud, which is before Fajr, it is obligatory that you wake up to pray Fajr at the stipulated time. It is also not recommended that you sleep after Fajr. The best is to recite Al-Qur'an, do azkaar or something worthwhile.

Performing nawaafil and then Fajr is some form of exercise as it requires the movement of your body.

Rasuulullaah also taught us that humility was key for us and being a leader does not exempt you from being humble. He taught servant leadership. He taught leading with high level of emotional intelligence which makes you respectful to even the janitor and more concerned about people's emotional, spiritual, financial and physical welfare.

During Umar's night vigils, he mostly went undercover to serve the 'detailed' needs of the people he was privileged to be exposed to. He cooked and cleaned even for the poorest people because he wanted to exhaust his responsibility.

Now, let's come to Robin Sharma's 5AM Club. Smiles!

Before anything else, I will recommend that you read the book. You will learn from every sentence. Trust me! So, I am not going to give you details.

Robin Sharma, in the book, is promoting a culture of early rising and the uncountable benefits that it gives the human being especially the one who wants to be great. The one who wants to work on the well-being of his or her mind, heart, health and soul.

He however makes it clear that it is not just rising early, 5AM, that does the magic but what you do when you rise early. I won't tell you what he says should be done because that is one  of the interesting things about the book and I want you to read it. Smiles.

In his book, he features a  billionaire whom you will definitely fall in love with due to his beautiful personality and leadership characteristics. This billionaire has too many interesting ways of leading his life and his businesses that are mind blowing. 

Sometimes, he dresses like a pauper and moves around just to imbibe humility. There was a time Umar nearly whipped some of his Prime Ministers (smiles) just because they became engulfed with the culture of lavish dressing and eating.

To engrain humility in his heart. He fasted two days a week.  This helped him a great deal. Remember that Rasuulullaah recommends fasting on Mondays and Thursdays? Smiles. 

This billionaire had a mentor who taught him all these beautiful ways of living and he loved him badly. The beautiful thing however was that just as he was taught these great lessons of life that had helped him, he fished out people whom he believed could pass on the tradition and trained them too with his resources. How he did this made him even more loveable.

The billionaire's high level of emotional intelligence was displayed clearly in his many interactions with his students who fell head over heels in love with him. You would've too. I did! Smiles! He was not only generous, he was sensitive to their every need. He brought himself down to their level and but for the wonders of his wealth that they saw and his depth of knowledge and expertise, they could have mistaken him for one of them.

Robin Sharma gave many models of good living in this book that you should read about. He did not exclude prayer and the importance of solitude. 

Rasuulullaah suallallaahu alayhi wa sallam was a man who cherished solitude even before he became a Prophet. It was in solitude that Angel Jibril alayhis salaam had come to him. Tahajjud was a time of prayer and solitude. He appreciated and promoted a time for deep thinking, self-admonishment, reflection, self-introspection and gaining some calm and serenity.

There is a whole chapter on the strives and gains of Nelson Mandela and you will love how he extracts the beauty in that struggle.

Robin Sharma quoted a number of Muslim leaders who were, Rumi, Khalil Gibrain and  Muhammad Ali. I was however disappointed that he did not mention the contribution of Rasuulullaah suallallaahu alayhi wa sallam and at least one of his successors in this tradition of routine early rising coupled with beautiful leadership traits.

Now, if you have read this book before, share your thoughts with us in the comments section. If you haven't, please do but then share your thoughts on this article with us. Smiles! May Allah azza wa jal love you intensely. Aameen Yaa Waduud Yaa Allah!

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Rubaba Mmahajia Rahma Sabtiu-Morla

+233555392722

www.mmahajia.blogspot.com

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www.strivingbeautifulsoul.blogspot.com

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www.beforehermarriage.blogspot.com

FOMWAG ASHANTI REGION DONATES TO THE POOR AND THE NEEDY

Bismil Laahir Rahmaanir Raheem

Assalaamu alaykum wa Rahmatullaahi wa Barkaatuhu.

FOMWAG is the acronym for the Federation of Muslim Women Associations in Ghana. FOMWA, Federation of Muslim Women Associations, is an international organization which has branches in various countries including Ghana. FOMWAG has regional representatives that work for National FOMWAG.

During this COVID-19 pandemic which led to a lockdown of some parts of the country which included the Greater Kumasi area, the Ashanti Regional branch of FOMWAG, led by its President, Hajia Yasmeen Fatimat Appiedu, decided to help some poor and needy women in their region.

With the help of donations from its members and other key people in the community, they were able to do the distribution of food packages to 250 needy and poor women at their office in Kumasi.

Due to the ban on gathering, various community leaders were invited to take food packages on behalf of the needy and poor women in their communities. This was done today, Tuesday, the 21st of April, 2020.

They are still accepting donations either in cash or kind in order to help some more of these women. It is their hope that they can help make life a lot better for so many people who are going through financial crisis due to the COVID-19 pandemic.

They are fully grateful to all those who donated or helped in any way to make this donation a success. It is their ardent prayer that God will richly bless them and replenish their help in many folds.

You may contact them via;

FOMWAG Ashanti Region

President: Hajia Fatimat Yasmeen Appiedu

P. O. Box 540

PHONE NUMBER: 0206487437

WHATSAPP: 0274538783

Witnessed, Compiled and Photographs by

Rubaba Mmahajia Rahma Sabtiu-Morla

www.mmahajia.blogspot.com

www.rubabawords.blogspot.com

www.letterstomydotas.blogspot.com

www.beforehermarriage.blogspot.com

www.strivingbeautifulsoul.blogspot.com

SISTERS' CIRCLE: Single and Happy: Then, Who to Marry

Bismil Laahir Rahmaanir Raheem

Assalaamu alaykum wa Rahmatullaahi wa Barkaatuhu dear brothers and sisters. I pray you are super awesome by the unflinching grace of Allah subhaanahu wa ta aalaa. Indeed, if we wanted to count the blessings Allah azza wa jal has endowed us with, never and ever would we be able to count them. We are definitely in need of more of His bounties. May He, azza wa jal, shower upon us more. Aameen Yaa Fattau Yaa Razzak Yaa Wahhaab Yaa Allah.

Now, today, I am going to write about a beautifully awesome talkshow we had on Sunday, the 29th of December, 2018. The talk was on maximizing the benefits of our single life and choosing the right spouses. Interestingly, most of the participants were married. We however achieved our target of making the talkshow for all categories of ladies because the partipants were made up of;

1. A mother who has been married for over 30/40 years.
2. A first wife of three wives.
3. A second wife.
4. A third wife.
5. A divorcée.
6. A single lady
7. A lady married to a 'burger'.
8. And the other married sisters.

Now, before the talk started, I had the privilege of being told a super fabulous story by one of the particants.

The story...

She has a sister-in-law who has not been able to give birth seventeen years after marriage. This lady had tried all her best to convince her husband to marry again but her husband will not hear of it. The one telling me the story had given birth and her mother-in-law sent this sister-in-law to see her at the hospital. When this lady saw the new born, she told his mother that it was her first time of seeing a new born.

Within some months after this, she became pregnant after many years of waiting and wailing. I guess we have all probably heard of people becoming pregnant many years after marriage so the story might not sound so 'something'. The interesting aspect of the story however is:

When she had seen the new born for the first time, she made a du'a. From the deepest and sincerest part of her, knowing that Allah azza wa jal is Al-Mujeeb, she had prayed saying;

'Yaa Allah! If such a baby is good for me, then bless me with one.'

Isn't this amazing? True and clear belief in the fact that Allah azza wa jal is a God of possibilities is what pushed her to make such a beautiful du'a. Right after making this du'a, she missed her period. She didn't even bother because missing her period was a normal thing. This time however, within a few weeks, she was feeling all the pregnancy things but she still ignored them because she couldn't bring herself to believe she could be pregnant. Then she had to do the pregnancy test and it came out positive. We can all tell her excitement. But she still thought that it could all be a mirage until her stomach started blowing up. Now, she is almost about to give birth but says that until she holds the baby in her hands, she will not believe she is going to be a mother.

Do you recall the story of how Prophet Zakariya, alayhis salaam, had prayed for a miracle after witnessing Allah azza wa jal's miracle with Maryam, alayhas salaam? This is a typical example. Let this ignite our trust and believe in the power of dua.

Back to our talkshow...

We started by introducing ourselves, saying something small about our single lives and how we met our husbands. One interesting story came up. This woman never saw or spoke with her husband until their first night as husband and wife and they have been married for almost twenty years now.

They had an arranged marriage and she was very young. She just wanted to do as her parents wished. Now, a Muslimah scholar, who was part of the participants, made it clear that though such a thing seemed praiseworthy, it was not Islamic. She mentioned that the Prophet Mohammed suallallaahu alayhi wa sallam encouraged that the yet to be spouses see each other before marriage proceeds.

A discussion on the causes of problems in marriages came up and as participants stated various reasons, one of them said;

'The problems we encounter in marriages are due to one thing only and that is ignorance of the laid down practices of Islam.'

She believed that whatever it is, if both a wife and a husband are enlightened about their roles in connection to one other in Islam, their problems will be limited. There was a talk on how being patient in marriage is key for the success of the marriage but there is a limit to that patience. We are not encouraged by Islam to be patient with something that overburdens us. A typical example is where a wife is told severally to be patient with a husband who beats her.

A situation of whether it is right for a woman to say she prefers to marry a rich or poor man came up. Of course, some women think that marrying a man who is already successful is not the best as the man and or his family may not respect you. Others also think that it is wiser to marry a rich man than a poor man because you may sacrifice so much for a poor man but the moment he becomes rich, he will begin treating you like trash. A conclusion was arrived at that a man being well to do or poor is not the most important. What is important is that the person understands Islam and your right upon him as a wife. This is because if he is poor or rich but is religious, then he will not do as stated above.

Someone brought up the issue of whether it is the right of the woman to sign a marriage contract with her husband. It was explained that signing of a marriage contract is something that the couple could decide to do or not. What women have to note however is that if a man signs in the contract that he will never for example marry anyone but his wife and in the future he changes his mind, the worse that could mostly happen is divorce provided the wife will not accept any kind of compensation. What then is the point of signing such a contract? If anything at all, the couple should agree to realistic things and endeavour to fulfill them.

One of the known causes of divorce is the interference of family into the marriage of their children. Women who get married to men who live abroad and who do not send them abroad after marriage mostly find themselves in an entangled web of family troubles. Most of the time, The family of these husbands, if they are not in good terms with the wives, feed the husbands with all kinds of negative things about their wives, some may be untrue. These men, if they are not responsible enough, believe in these things and as a result start treating their wives with disdain. Some even completely lose trust for their wives. In the long run, most of these women get divorced when they least expect it. Such was the story of the divorced lady among us. But alhamdulillaah, her separation with her husband, whom she married young, has rather helped her to become a better and a more empowered woman who knows what she wants.

Allah azza wa jal tells us that He created man and woman and he put between them, 'love' and 'mercy'. Interestingly, some of our local scholars and elders hold the notion that love in marriage does not last long but mercy is what could be everlasting in marriage. They believe that after a few months or years into marriage, the love couples feel for each other diminishes and in the long run, the marriage survives on mercy. I personally have had a reservation to this from the first time I heard it. We see Allah azza wa jal sth how much He loves some particular people in the Qur'an. We also see how much He talks about how merciful He is upon the whole of humanity. The lesson I learn from this is that even though you may love someone enough to marry them, it is the mercy you have towards them that will make you overlook some things you may not love about them. And of course, you could never really love everything about a person.

It was pointed out that this notion is wrong and the evidence of love being able to last till forever is featured in the marriage of Rasuulullaah suallallaahu alayhi wa sallam and his wife, Naana Khadijah Bint Khuwaylid. The Prophet loved her intensely and he expressed this love even years after her death. That alone is enough to discard their claim. The only time they will be right is where the love was based on useless worldly things.

There was a touch on polygamy which will be a major aspect of the second session which will come off on the 18th of January, 2020 in shaa Allah. If Allah azza wa jal allowed polygyny, then however we argue on it, it is good and we must not detest it. One of the participants mentioned that when a young woman's husband marries again, it is actually a greater test than when an elderly woman's husband does. She explained this by saying that usually such a woman is at her prime and needs her husband more in terms of intimacy, finance, child upbringing and all that. However, most women at a little earlier age lose interest in intimacy and their concentration is mostly on how to help their children become successful in life. This is also the time that most men become sexually active and feel lonely because of neglect by their wives. When such a man marries, the pain is a lot less.

She added that first wives also face greater tests than subsequent ones because they might have sacrificed their all for their husbands and when these men get rich enough to give them a better life, then they go in for other wives who shares in these latest riches that they have not contributed to.

There was a counter opinion that even for the second and subsequent wives, polygamy is a test because it isn't easy deciding to marry a man who is already married. To this, it was explained that the fact that she has the right to decide or not is an advantage to her. It will be her choice to enter or not and that makes it less of a trial. For the first wife, it is going to change her whole life as she will have to adapt to not having her husband to herself anymore. It is a lot more painful if she has struggled with him to create a certain package that is acceptable to the subsequent wives.

The case of the attachment first wives mostly have with their husbands came up. Some first wives, if not most of them, have lived with their husbands for years and they know them in and out. When subsequent wives come, they tend to battle with the fact that their husbands are more attached to their first wives or let's say, they seem to love them more. Some disagreed with this. Let me end it here on polygamy. Join our next session to speak your mind on this issue.

Who is responsible for domestic work? Cooking especially. We discussed this matter briefly. Someone mentioned that in Islam, that job is for the females. She gave an instance of where Naana Khadijah Bint Khuwaylid, radiyallaahu anhaa, went to serve Rasuulullaah suallallaahu alayhi wa salaam and Malakul Jibril sent salaams from Allah azza wa jal to her. This and other instances where the women were said to have prepared food during the Prophet's time indicate that it is a woman's job. The man should be the financial provider for the home. That is not to say they both cannot help one another in their duties especially in these times when women are contributing greatly to the upkeep of the family.

All in all, we had a great talk as sisters even though the programme could not start on time. We hope to have an awesome one again next time and we will love for you to join us. You can share with me all that you think about what we discussed in Shaa Allah.

Jazaakumullaahu khairan always for making time to read this. May Allah azza wa jal love you extremely. Aameen Yaa Waduud Yaa Waliyyu Yaa Allah. And in the end we say, 'Alhamdulillaah.' May Allah azza wa jal shower an abundance of His peace and mercy upon Rasuulullaah, his household and his companions. Aameen Yaa Allah.

Rubaba Mmahajia Rahma Sabtiu-Morla
+233 555392722 (WhatsApp)
www.mmahajia.blogspot.com
www.rubabawords.blogspot.com
www.strivingbeautifulsoul.blogspot.com
www.letterstomydotas.blogspot.com
www.beforehermarriage.blogspot.com

AFTER ELECTION: The Princess Loses Her Crown

Bismil Laahir Rahmaanir Raheem

Assalaamu alaykum wa Rahmatullaahi wa Barkaatuhu dear brothers and sisters. It is my prayer that you are in the best state of everything that Allah azza wa jal loves of His noble servants. I pray that Allah azza wa jal makes completely easy for you this life and may He azza wa jal gift you His love and the love of those who love Him. Aameen Yaa Wahhaab Yaa Waduud Yaa Allah.

I am here again, heheheeee. You know that popular saying, 'After election what what what?!' I keep thinking through to see whether it applies to every kind of election or it is only talking about some specific ones. Let's walkthrough together now to see.

Elections for Assembly Men and Women is almost here and so we see flyers of them everywhere. Do I know the Assembly Man of my area? Heheheeee! No, I don't. Why? Because it is not election time. Laugh small. Yes, the last time I saw him and the numerous other people who wanted to win my vote was during the past election. They had followed us to our houses then and if we had permitted it, they would have entered even our rooms. After the elections, they go their way because of course, they have had what they wanted. This year too, they are going to come back and the routine continues. Interesting huh!

This is the story of most elections - Presidential, Parliamentary, etc- for the whole country and for institutions.

Now, let us put politics aside. Are you single or married? Ok. Have you ever heard any of these before?

~ Your voice just blows my mind. It is so serene. Give me the opportunity to hear it everyday please.

~ I don't care how you look or what you have, I just love the fact that you are so Allah conscious.

~ I promise to take excellent care of you no matter what, forever.

~ I wish I had met you before my wife. You fit into my dreams perfectly.

~ The way you smile is just so beautiful.

~ I will walk to the moon and back for you.

~ You are my life, my love, my happiness. My all in all.

~ You are just what I have always been looking for.

~ A freshly laid egg is beautiful, warm in the palm and precious to the hen. That is how I will handle and pamper you.

~ Is there anything higher than my love for you? I wouldn't mind climbing beyond Kilimanjaro to reach you, even if I fall in the process.

I am sure you are laughing by now and recalling all the sweet words you've heard from men, either your husbands or those yet to marry you or those you aren't even considering. I coined these ones except the last two. A friend was told that and her head was reeling. Heheheeee!

Let me tell you a story. So, she got married. Then she was taken by surprise. This is definitely not the Sulley she said yes to and even went ahead to marry. I chose the name for him myself. I know the story but I don't know the names of the people involved.

Sulley used to bring her gifts ranging from sumptuous foods of all kinds to clothing to many others. Sulley was just so affectionate then. He gave her full attention then. They could talk for hours either on phone or in person. It was just too beautiful.

What happened to Sulley? Did someone hit his head? Did someone's evil eye blind him. Hassana could not believe how completely uncaring and difficult her beloved husband has suddenly become. He just didn't want anything to do with her - not even intimacy. The voice he used to yearn to hear has become a nuisance to him.

When she had succeeded in getting him to get her pregnant, he wouldn't foot a single hospital bill. Well, even before that, he gave her peanuts and then stopped giving totally. She is due to deliver now, she had to buy all her hospital items herself - her business almost collapsing because she doesn't even have the strength to keep it booming. Anytime she made an attempt to leave, people will talk her into rescinding her decision. Now, she is waiting to deliver her baby and run. Sad huh! But this is reality.

They say after election, cease all campaigns. Hahahahaaaa!

In one of Mufti Ismail Menk's lectures, he told a story. There was a gentle man who proposed marriage to a gentle lady. When the lady asked about his character, she was told how completely patient and gentle he was. She was glad. Before the marriage, his friends advised him to try to do something to put fear in his wife otherwise she will not respect him due to his calm soul. He took their advise and kept a black cat in his bedroom and on the wedding night they heard noise in the room. He looked for the cat and killed it mercilessly in a way that terrified his bride.

From then, he only spoke to her in a commanding tone and she was always running helter skelter to his bidding.

She could not handle it anymore so she decided to tell his family about it and they gave her an idea. One dawn, he commanded that he wanted his breakfast at exactly seven but she was unperturbed. She asked him jokingly about what he would do if she doesn't get it by seven. Then he said;

'Then, I will go to the kitchen and do it myself."

She has wasted her energy running around for days over nothing.

But then, the question still holds, 'Why will a man want his wife to fear him? Why? Why? Why?'

Among the many headaches of some married women I have had an encounter with is the fact that the love shown them before marriage was totally gone a few weeks, months or years into the marriage. Some even turned into hatred. One married woman told me,

'But dating is way sweeter than marriage...'

Then I thought of why on earth that should be so because I believe that at least for a Muslim, this should not be the case.

So many years ago, I was tasked to write a book on Muslim women in Ghana by one of my mothers and mentors, Hajia Samia. She told me to contact Dr Rabiatu Armah for supervision. I was fresh in level 100 in the University of Ghana then. A friend decided to partner with me. So, we called Dr Armah one evening and she laughed when she heard about our wanting to write on such a subject when we were so young and in level 100. She invited us to her office and we went. In the end, she was impressed with us - me especially because I was hijabed even though I was coming from a missionary High School. From then, she showed us who to interview and what to do.

Why am I telling you all these? Because the book was never finished not to talk of publishing it. Why? The two last women I interviewed ended it. They made me conclude that it was not right for me to write the story then. I will be doing great injustice to their stories. Even though I had a number of influential people pushing me, I still put it on hold. The stories of these two women, who happen to be sisters, are very relevant to my write up today.

The younger sister's story...

She had someone she wanted to marry but her family refused and rather gave her hand into marriage to someone who seemed more responsible to them. She was a health worker then. After her marriage to this man, life became a living hell for her. She had a still birth due to ill treatment. Later, she had two children. She was stopped from working as a health assistant and instead made to sell tea at the Rawlings Park at nights. Forty days after her second child was born, she and her children were sent packing.

With no parents to turn to, her elder sister took her in. Her elder sister, who had five children, became a mother to both she and her children.

Interestingly, about sixteen years later, the man whom her parents had refused to make her marry heard about the fact that she was single. He then married her without knowing that she  was now a successful woman who even owned a hospital. And of course, he was the regional chief Imam of his region.

The details of her story and how much she cried on the day she told me this - and I even cried more than her - made me put my pen down. I was not matured enough for that job.

The elder sister's story...

She was given the opportunity to be educated at a time when education of the girl child especially was not encouraged by her people. When she was considered matured enough to marry, she was given a husband. Being an educated woman who knew what she wanted, she wanted to refuse the arrangement. Her suitor was as old as her grandfather. Some of his children could give birth to her. But she thought of how it will look like if she refused. Her younger siblings will not be allowed to school again because they will think it is the education that made her disobedient. So, she unwillingly went ahead to marry him.

What was she expecting? A life of sorrow. But that is not what she had. Her husband was completely supportive in her progress. He pushed her to be the best she could be. He encouraged her to go to the University and further.

That is not to say that her whole life was rosy but the fact that her husband became the opposite of what she thought he was going to be was enough to give her some serenity.

So in her case, she actually gained a crown after the election and not before it. Keep smiling.

Allah subhaanahu wa ta aalaa tells us in the Qur'an, Surat Ar-Rum, Chapter 30 ayah 21 that:

"And of His Signs is that He has created mates for you from your own kind that you may find peace in them and He has set between you love and mercy. Surely there are Signs in this for those who reflect.

This is a beautiful ayah that is worth pondering upon. But then you hear a lot of 'scholars' 'people' say that a few months or years into marriage, love finishes and then it is left with mercy. Interesting huh! So, some women aren't even perturbed when their husbands start packing them aside and chasing after new ones. I always wonder, is it that we mistaken love for lust or what? May be you can educate me on this in the comment section.

If we were to follow the ideal...

Islam does not encourage too much familiarity before marriage so it is after marriage that intimacy and all other things are allowed. I always wonder how love should diminish with knowing and becoming intimate and closer to your spouse. If you want to be romantic, is that not the best time to be? Heheheeee. Now that the law allows you anything. And when children start coming, should the children not bind you even the more? Well, let me make this a topic for another day

Every human being needs love for a more serene and happy life. When we love one another, we achieve so much. Prophet Muhammad suallallaahu alayhi wa sallam taught us to love one another genuinely. We see how he softened the hearts of people who hated him by giving them love in diverse ways.

Lack of love, affection and attention for women after marriage leads a lot of them into doing the unthinkable - put having unnecessary close relationships with other guys aside. Some of them mess up real bad in their quest for love. The first thing of course for many of them is the regret of not having chosen the 'other suitors' whom they believe could have loved them better.

For example, the pregnant woman in a bitter marriage who is waiting to run after giving birth lives in serious regret of not choosing her other suitor. You remember her story, right? This woman rejected this other man because he was a heavy duty truck driver and so he traveled a lot. She thought he will not have time for her when he marries her so as much as he tried to win her over, she pushed him away and rather chose her seemingly loving husband then. Interestingly, the one she rejected is now married and even living abroad with his wife whiles she is being treated like garbage. Heheheeee! You can imagine her misery, right?

A woman who always keeps her hair unkempt, married woman, was asked by her neighbour, a man, of why she doesn't take good care of her hair. They are Muslims. She is married. How did he see her hair? Well, most of our local Muslimahs don't give a damn. She told him her husband doesn't give her money for that and he decided to volunteer to take on that job so every week, he gives her money for her hair. We can all imagine where Shaytaan will lead this to, right? True story.

There is this other woman too whose husband cheats on her like crazy. The two of them have become like a cat and a dog. No mawadda and no rahma. Just pure disdain. She decided to teach her husband a lesson so she came out to the compound of their house in 'strict' shorts and a tiny shirt. A compound house for that matter. Fortunately and unfortunately, almost everyone was not around except one male neighbour. He came out and told her how nice her shorts are. He asked the price of the shorts and paid her for them. What is next? You and I can imagine that perfectly. True story.

It is dangerous when even married women begin to behave in such a manner but usually their husbands are the cause - they leave them loveless, attentionless, they try to terrify them and then worse of all some even clearly let them know they don't want them. They start to chase other women making them feel lonely and some of them just simply lose their grip.

I could tell you a lot of stories of such nature but the long and short of it is that if you are single, you want to be careful not to marry your enemy. Even though who you marry will solely be based on the decree of Allah azza wa jal, try your best not to contribute to marrying a monster.

If you are a married woman who has all the love and attention of your husband, I pray that Allah, Al-Waduud, increase you in that. If you are however in a loveless marriage, all hope isn't lost. Try to find solutions to that but never ever compromise your chastity, values and morals as a Muslimah.

If you are a man reading this, you know what I want to tell you already, right? Keep smiling for sadaqa. Jazaakumullaahu khairan for reading. Share with me your thoughts in the comment section. May Allah azza wa jal increase us in beautiful love for one another for His sake solely and may He love us most. Aameen Yaa Waduud Yaa Allah. And yes! Don't forget me in your du'a. Smiles.


Rubaba Mmahajia Rahma Sabtiu-Morla
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HUURUL AYN: THE FIGHT IS ON. WHO BECOMES QUEEN

Bismil Laahir Rahmaanir Raheem

Assalaamu alaykum wa Rahmatullaahi wa Barkaatuhu dear brothers and sisters. I pray that you are in the most desired state of health, wealth and faith. If you are not, then it is my prayer that Allah azza wa jal grants you those and many more in complete ease. Aameen Yaa Wahhaab Yaa Allah. 

Last week I wrote an article titled, 'Today: I Saw Something that I Have Always Wanted to See.' Did you read it? If you haven't, then please do and let me know what you think. Smiles.

I am writing on, as the title suggests, something that both Muslim men and women are passionate about - Huurul Ayn. What makes men passionate about them?

Allah azza wa jal says in a number of places in the Qur'an that among the rewards that Muslim men stand to get in the Hereafter, provided they lived excellent lives, were 'Huurul Ayn'. This refers to some beautiful class of women in Jannah. Among their many descriptions are:

1. Large and wide beautiful eyes.

2. They are like pearls.

3. They are unblemished.

4. They are white.

5. They are young etc.

Now, these Muslim men are promised more than one of these women in Paradise and that is what their craze is about. Smiles. Of course, if I were a man, I will stick to the rules for the end benefit even if it were just these women alone was worth it. So, the next time you see the men quoting aayaat and ahaadith on this subject again and again, know that their excitement over the whole issue is valid - they are crazy about their Huurul Ayn. Heheheeee.

Now, why are the Muslim women crazy about these Huurul Ayn? Or wait! I put the question wrong. Rather, why are the Muslim women going crazy about Huurul Ayn? Smiles! Oh yes! Lots of our Muslim ladies are going crazy over this whole Huurul Ayn saga. Do they like them? No! Are they jealous of them? Yes! Personally, they are an aspect of Jannah that I don't think about. But of course, what business do I have with them? I am a woman any way. Or may be, ignoring them and pretending they don't exist is a coping strategy. Keep smiling.

Let me tell you a story. Once an Islamic scholar was preaching about the status of the good wife in Jannah. He was doing so to egg all ladies to strive to be good wives to their husbands. He mentioned that if a man is pleased with his wife and she dies while his wife, she will become the queen of his 'Huurul Ayn' in Jannah.

Mostly, this concept serves as a push for a lot of Muslim women to be good wives. They strive to be good wives in order to become Queens. Heheheeee. They cannot withstand some Jannah ladies who haven't had the bitter and sweet taste of marriage and who don't know their husbands from nowhere outwitting them at the 'Queenship' position. Keep smiling.

But let me continue the story, the above was an interlude. There was a woman who was listening to this man keenly and she thought about what he said deeply then she said;

'Indeed, the situation of we women is pathetic. Even in Jannah, they are going to give us rivals.'

Now! This is interesting huh. The motivating aspect of the scholar's talk didn't get to her. She rather thought beyond what most people will usually think and identified a problem or a threat or a disadvantage in the whole set up. Anyway, let's hold this here.

I actually planned telling you two stories but they have turned out to be three. The above was not one of them but it has now become the first. So, let me tell you the second story. Once I was walking with two Muslim ladies or no, let me tell you the third story instead. Don't worry, I will tell you this one later.

I was telling a friend, lady, about how I was going to write about the third story I will be telling you about and she said something that got me laughing and pondering at the same time. What did she say?

Her story...

She is married as a third wife. She is a good Muslim lady who wants to do her best at being a good wife to her husband. She is religious too. Mostly, she tries to keep her husband on his toes with Allah azza wa jal. One day he told her about the very first woman he married. That was ten years ago. Their marriage had lasted only a year because she died through the process of child delivery. The child is well and good. He told her how religious that wife was and how much she also tried to keep him doing things that Allah azza wa jal loves. He added that this new wife reminded him of his first wife a lot.

What do you think will be going through this lady's mind? Was she happy to hear about this wonderful woman whose husband speaks so highly of her a decade after she has left this life? Was she glad that her husband speaks so excellently of her who is a new bride? Well, this lady thought completely differently. She wondered about how their (husband, dead wife and her) situation is going to be like in Jannah where they all hope to be. She knew very well about what will make a wife qualify as the queen of her husband's Huurul Ayn. She wondered,

'So, all things being equal, between she and the dead wife, who will become Queen?'

I laughed when she said this. Seemed to me like a competition between the dead and the living. The facial expression with which she said it alone was something else. But all things aside, she had a genuine concern and I wish someone could answer her question. Is it that even with the Queenship, some are going to be Queens over Queens? May be we should ask our scholars. Do share with me your thoughts on this in shaa Allah.

Now, to my last story. I mentioned earlier that some Muslim women are going crazy about this Huurul Ayn something, right? Now look at this.

I was walking with two Muslim ladies. We spoke about a lot of things mostly concerning women and more especially, Muslim women. We spoke about marriage, worship and Jannah. Then we began day dreaming about how chilling Jannah is going to be in shaa Allah. Then each one of us began listing the things she will request from Allah azza wa jal. Then the topic of Huurul Ayn came up. 

One of the ladies said that left to her, she doesn't even want to be married in Jannah. She just wants to have fun and go here and there and do this and that. Then the most interesting thing came up. As we went on and on about Huurul Ayn, this lady asked:

'But if Allah said we will get all that we wish for, can't we get our own set of Huurul Ayn?'

Now, don't laugh. She was serious about it. She wondered about so many things and thought that if she could have her own Huurul Ayn, then may be there will be no need for her to worry about her many rivals nor who becomes Queen.

Don't just condemn or hail. Let us think together and let me in on what you think. Welcome to the world of women, Muslim women. Remember to strive hard towards building your relationship with Allah azza wa jal and becoming an extremely beautiful soul. May Allah subhaanahu wa ta aalaa continue to ease all your affairs and raise your rank both in this Dunya and the Akhira. May the peace, mercy and blessings of Allah azza wa jal be upon the noblest of humans, Prophet Muhammad and upon his family and his companions. And oh! Do remember me in your dua always. Jazaakumullaahu khairan.

Rubaba Mmahajia Rahma Sabtiu-Morla

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TODAY: I Saw What I Have Always Wanted To See

Bismil Laahir Rahmaanir Raheem

Assalaamu alaykum wa Rahmatullaahi wa Barkaatuhu my dear brothers and sisters. I pray you are all wallowing in seas of blessings upon blessings. For those going through one struggle or the other, may Allah azza wa jal completely make easy and bearable all your struggles.

I felt wonderful today as I walked passed a certain place. I will tell you about that place in a bit but before that let me tell you a story. Is it even a story? Smiles.

I had my Junior High School education at a Seventh Day Adventist School, McNeilus SDA. From Junior High School One to Three, we never wore ear rings and any kind of jewellery. That is not where my interest is though. On every Friday, we closed very early just like most Islamic schools do.  They close school early so that they could prepare to observe their Sabbath the next day.

We had a very big church in the school where they worship on Saturdays. One key thing you see on Fridays after we close is the church members trooping into the school, most of them men. Some come in their cars and others on foot. They pack their cars at the parking lot and then, what do they do? They clean the whole school and then the church. 

It was very common to see men sweeping the compound, collecting trash and doing all other kinds of cleaning in the school on these days. My father had rented one of his shops to an SDA man and this man, who was a family man and rich, was one of the people you will most often see cleaning up the school and the church to prepare it for their worship the next day.

It was surprising also that most of the people you will see cleaning on these days were men. The females were a handful. Note that I said men and not boys.

Now, that is the end of the story. Smiles. What at all am I driving at? Well, let me tell you another story. 

I live next to a huge Masjid, it is just a not so nice big drain that separates the Masjid and I. Smiles. Well, the Minister for Zongo and Inner City Development promised to fix it. Let's hope he does. Back to what I was saying. This big beautiful Masjid gets cleaned on Fridays too, but early in the morning instead because of Jummua. Who cleans the Masjid? Volunteers. Which volunteers? Women. Yes, it is the women who live in the vicinity of the Masjid who clean it up.

That is very admirable of them and may Allah azza wa jal accept from them their kind gesture to His House. Honestly, I wish I could be joining them do the cleaning but... There is always a but.

That is the end of this story also. Now, don't start contrasting the cleaning of the church with the cleaning of the Masjid just yet. Let me tell you the part two of story number two. 

Once in a while, these women cleaners of the Masjid seem to be nowhere to be found on these Fridays when their services were greatly needed. When such incidences happen, some of the leaders of the Masjid resort to the microphone to call unto the women in the vicinity to come and do the cleaning due to the enormous reward there is to be attained with such an act. They quote aayaat and ahaadith to boost the women to leave off all that they are attending to in their homes to come to clean the Masjid and they always succeed.

These happenings always send me to my world of many thoughts on what should have been and what shouldn't have been. I had just recently come to a conclusion on my thoughts on such matters when I saw an interesting scene as I walked passed the Masjid this morning. Now, you know the place, right? It was the Masjid. 

You can easily guess why I was so interested in the scene I saw. Let me give you a view of it. The Masjid was cleaned and chairs neatly arranged in style. There was a lot of cleaning and organising going on. The beautiful part of the whole thing is that it was men who were doing all of these things. Men! Both young and elderly. I was impressed for sure. The sad thing however is that it was not a Friday and there was not going to be Jummua. It was someone's funeral ceremony.

The question is; 

'If these men could clean and organise this nicely for a funeral, why can't they do same on Fridays too?'

Yes, on Friday mornings as women busily cleaned the Masjid from after Fajr till morning, most of the men in the vicinity either went back to sleep or sat around chatting their time away. But these women mostly have a pile of other works at home they could have been taking care of with that time. 

Back to the church, we all know how these men do not see it as a big deal doing part of the chores at home together with their wives and then they are still able to make time to go and clean up their place of worship. Most of our men on the other hand will leave all household chores to their wives and then even on Friday when they could have at least cleaned their House of worship, they still hold the mentality that it is the work of the women folk.

One day, I was in the office at school when two Junior High School two learners came to invite me to something they were going to do in their class. They said it was going to be in thirty minutes time. I probed them severally for them to tell me what it was but they didn't. So I told them to come get me when they were about to start. They did. Guess what they were going to do? Debate! And the topic? 

'Should boys also do house chores?'

Interesting huh! It seemed, from the way the opponents were almost getting at each other's throat, that they've been arguing about this particular issue for so long. It was an enjoyable event and in the end I concluded that:

'Our girls believe we have been unfair to them in the way we bring our boys up as kings and they, their maids.'

Now, just think deeply about the scenarios above and if you are a man, take a decision for yourself as to whether your help is a necessity or not. If you are a woman, someday, by the permission of Allah azza wa jal, your son is going to be someone's husband and his mentality towards men's involvement in house chores will be shaped by mostly how you and your husband bring him up. It is better to let him know that doing house chores does not and will never make him less of a man. It will rather make him more beloved to his wife and children in future because perhaps most women might not say it but house chores drain them to bits.

Well, let us ponder together. I am completely grateful to you for making time to read it all. May Allah subhaanahu wa ta aalaa continue to put abundant baraka in your life and in all your endeavours. Don't forget me in your dua. Smiles. May the peace, blessings and mercy of Allah azza wa jal be upon the coolness of our eyes, the Messenger of Allah, Muhammad and upon his household and his companions. Thank you and jazaakumullaahu khairan.

Rubaba Mmahajia Rahma Sabtiu-Morla

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AN OPEN LETTER TO THE ASOKORE MAMPONG MUNICIPAL ASSEMBLY

TO WHOMEVER IT MAY CONCERN

Dear Sir or Madam,

It is my prayer that you and your staff are doing excellent in all your endeavours. May God bless you for your massive contribution to the development of our dear nation. Do pardon me if I have skipped any protocol. Let me go straight to the point.

The reason for writing to you this letter is simple; the state of some and or all of your washrooms. It is not pleasant to say but they are in such pathetic states. Someone I know and respect a lot paid a visit to your Assembly and the scene that met his eyes when he decided to use the washroom was a no no no. 

It is definitely someone's duty to clean the place and that janitor must also have a supervisor who probably also reports to someone else about the state of the washrooms and or other facilities in the Assembly. I hope that is right? If yes, then a lot of people are being paid for work they don't do and that is an injustice of a kind. You may want to deal with that matter in the most beautiful of ways as soon as possible. If no, then the Assembly needs to realign its priorities. As much as we need clean offices to work in, we need even cleaner washrooms. A janitor or janitors should be in the top part of our scale of preference as an organization, as an Assembly. We must simply have them, especially where we don't want to do the work ourselves.

Now, for a washroom to get to this state, we cannot blame only the janitor and the poor supervision of his work. We are fully right to blame the workers who use the place everyday as well. Take a careful look at this picture of the washroom that is tagged here. You may not want to look at it again after the first mistaken or curious glance. And that is because it could cause you to vomit or nauseate. That is how bad it is Sir or Madam. How do you then use the place so comfortably yourself to the point of directing a visitor to the place? It beats my mind.

Now, what has stained the closet so badly? I don't want to think about options. Plus, is it that the workers don't flush out the waste after taking care of themselves? Grown ups? And what measures have been taken to put an end to that bad habit? What really could be causing this problem? You must definitely have an idea. It is and will forever be true that being clean is not only about the cleaning resources at our disposal but it is also about our attitude towards cleanliness. You may have all the soaps, detergents, mop sticks, scrubbing brushes and more but if you have a negative attitude to cleanliness, we will still have a situation such as portrayed in the picture. We must also note that it is never a waste of resources to budget appropriately for cleaning items to ensure a clean and nice smelling work environment at all times.

If your workers understand that when one emits faecal matter or urine into the closet, it must be flushed out; we may not have gotten to this. If they understood that when one mistakenly pours water on the floor of the washroom, it must be mopped; we may not have gotten to this. If they understood that when one dirties the washroom with his feet or anything, he must clean it up; we may not have gotten to this. We will not get to a point where our washrooms are in such messy states if we understood these simple rules of cleanliness whether we have a janitor or not. 

Or wait! Is it that we are 'too big' to do any kind of cleaning no matter how meagre it is even if we caused them? That is not a very encouraging and praiseworthy attitude to have as people, educated people. I ever worked in an organisation where the accountant who comes to work a lot earlier than others sometimes does the cleaning himself. Yes! There were people to do that but if he was at work and they weren't in yet, he does the cleaning of the washrooms and the offices himself. Now, that is the positive attitude to cleanliness we are talking about. 

If we would not reduce the janitor's work by cleaning up some of our mess, at least we should call them after we have messed up to clean it up so that no one comes to meet such an unsightly situation - so that our washrooms do not become this messy over a short period of time. At least, all things being equal, you don't want even the janitor to come and flush your excreta for you. That is so so so bad, unhealthy and uncharacteristic of being educated people who are considered to know better when it comes to such things.

And wait! Is it that we put other things in the closet instead of excreta? Well, let me hold that bit here. I just want you to really take note that this is for a good cause. Let us see a change in our attitude to cleanliness. This letter is not only to you at the Assembly but to every person who will read this; we don't want this in our work places and we definitely don't want it in our homes.

Thank you for your time. Do pardon anything I have said that may not have gone down well with you. It is truly for a good cause.

Your Concerned Citizen

Signed

Rubaba Mmahajia Rahma Sabtiu-Morla

The Rivalry that Shouldn't Have Started: When Mother and Daughter Fight

Assalaamu alaykum wa Rahmatullaahi wa Barkaatahu dear brothers and sisters. I pray that you are in the best state of eemaan and health. May Allah azza wa jal ease for us all of our affairs, accept from us all our good deeds and pardon our shortcomings. Aameen Yaa Allah!

Rivalry can be understood simply as competition for the same objective or for superiority in the same field.

Note the word 'same'.

There is rivalry among industries which mostly have same product lines. They compete with one another for the attention of customers. They compete through a variety of ways, such as; product differentiation, excellent advertisement and packaging, lower price yet great quality, etc in order to be superior compared to others in the same line of work. They want the customer to prefer to buy their products instead of that of others anytime and any day.

We are told of how Abdullah bin Ubayy ibn Salul was soaring heights as a great leader in Yathrib to the point where his people wanted to make him king and then Prophet Muhammad suallallaahu alayhi wa sallam had migrated with his companions to Yathrib. Prophet Muhammad suallallaahu alayhi wa sallam with his awesome personality suddenly won the hearts of the people such that their attention was now directed to him leaving ibn Salul, who became known as the Chief of Hypocrites, without as much command as he used to possess. Then Ibn  Salul's rivalry towards rasuulullaah (the Messenger of Allah) began. He did everything to demean the Prophet but to no avail.

Although Sarah had agreed for her husband, Prophet Ibrahim alayhis salaam to marry Haajar who was their helper due to her inability to have a baby, some years later, she felt great rivalry towards Haajar that it became incumbent that their husband took Haajar away to a far place. Sarah did not want to compete with Haajar over her husband.

Aa'isha bint Abubakar radiyallaahu anhum, was extremely jealous of Khadijah bint Khuwailid,  who was her husband's first and only wife until her death. Aa'isha felt great rivalry towards her due to the affection with which her husband spoke about her and how he treated anyone connected to his former wife even when she was dead and gone. Aa'isha wanted her husband's full attention.

She narrated that; “I never felt so jealous of any wife of Allah’s Apostle (saws) as I did of Khadija (radiyallaahu anhaa) because Allah’s Apostle (saws) used to remember and praise her too often and because it was revealed to Allah’s Apostle (saws) that he should give her (Khadija (raa)) the glad tidings of her having a palace of Qasab (pipes of precious stones and pearls) in Paradise .”

Wedlock, Marriage (Nikaah) – Shahih Bukhari: Volume 7, Book 62, Number 156

Jealousy is a natural feeling that causes a lot of rivalry in different spheres of life among people. Some jealousy is evil in itself. An example is where a person is jealous of the progress of another which when not curbed could lead to the kind of rivalry where one wishes for the downfall of another. There is also the kind of jealousy which when not acted upon is totally harmless and it may even lead to something good.

An example is where a person feels jealous of someone who performs better than him or her in class and due to that he or she studies hard in order to become as good.

When the Prophet Muhammad suallallaahu alayhi wa sallam had sent a proposal to marry Umm Salma a few years after the death of his wife, Khadijah, she had given him three excuses for which she could not marry him. One of the reasons was that she was an extremely jealous woman. The Prophet did not condemn that jealousy but assured her that he will pray to Allah azza wa jal to take that jealousy out of her heart.

 "...jealousy on the part of the husband and wife, if it is of the type that is part of human nature which no woman is free from, then it is excused, so long as she does not overstep the mark and do or say anything that Allaah has forbidden..."

Fath al-Baari, 9/326.

A story is told of a wife whose husband told her that he needs her to buy some items for their mother so that they will send it to her. When he asked how much she would need, she mentioned a small amount. He was surprised but she insisted it was enough so he gave her the amount. She bought a few things and they set off to the mother's place. She realized that her husband was driving towards her mother's house instead. She became alarmed and asked where he was going. He was surprised because he already told her where they were going. He told her that they were going to her mother's place. They call both of their mother's in much the same way but when he had mentioned that they were sending some items to mother, she had, without finding out which mother, thought that it was his mother. She therefore didn't want them to give her anything substantial that was why she took that small amount. Now that she knew they were going to her mother, she felt bad because her mother was going to be disappointed at the few items they had brought her because she knew her husband could buy her a lot more items. She tried to pursued her husband to let them get some more items but he did not agree.

A woman who was married off at a very tender age was left to care for her two boys alone a few years after her marriage because her husband died and none of his family members were willing to help her. She strived hard and did all manner of decent jobs to build up her family. She got a decent house, educated her boys to a great level and fed them well. The kids took over the financial needs of the house when they started working. The elder child got married and there began some few clashes between her and their mother - it was mostly concerned with the kitchen. The mother was a great cook and kept her home organised.

Unfortunately, her son's wife was not great at those things. For peace sake however, she decided to stay away from the kitchen and let her daughter-in-law take care of everything however she wished even though she didn't like it. Though she was fond of both her sons, because the elder one married, she was mostly together with the younger one. They grew very close and he adored her. He will massage her feet, stay with her until late into the night, run errands for her and keep her completely happy. Soon, he also introduced the lady he wanted to marry to his mother. She was excited and she fell in love with the girl's personality from their first meeting.

The girl proved even more lovable with the way she handled the house after marriage and their mother could not hide her affection for her younger son's wife. But soon the mother began feeling lonely as her younger son was now into his wife instead. He no longer kept her that much company. He was not always available for her. She mostly stares at his closed door and she misses chatting with him throughout the night. She began to have negative feelings towards his wife.

With time, due to her incessant complaints, her son began to dislike his wife and they fought a lot.  He began to restrict his wife in many things such as the rate at which she visited her family. Her mother always advised her to endure the trials and assured her that it will all pass. This lady had a father who was extremely ill and he was on admission at the hospital. The man was the one who took care of her mother and her when her father died so she considered him her father.

One day, she was told that the man wanted to see her. She told her husband but he told her not to go. Her mother had told her that she will pick her up from her house so that they will go to the hospital together. She had added that she felt the man wanted to spend his last moments with her. The lady pleaded with her husband to make her go to see her father but he said no. His mother was glad to see them fighting. His wife decided to go still. Her mother had come to wait for her down their stairs.

The wife went down the stairs to meet her mother so they could go. Her husband came after her angrily whilst his mum watched them. Her husband shouted that if she went another step, she was never ever going to be his wife again. The wife in tears looked up at him and down at her mother and she went to her mother and they left. That was the end of their marriage.

His mother watched him grow worse by the day out of sorrow. She regretted her contribution to the downfall of her son's marriage. She went to visit her daughter-in-law but she was told that she had moved to another country because she could not handle the death of her father. Her father had died a few minutes after he had seen her that day her husband divorced her.

The women who have been gifted with the ability to carry a baby in their belly and deliver it, can best say the kind of amazing joy they feel when they can finally carry their baby in their hands. This baby if a girl, may one day become a daughter-in-law to another woman and if a man, a husband to another woman.

A man who is a husband is mostly found between two beloved women in his life, his mother and his wife. That should have been among his greatest blessings. Unfortunately however, we mostly find men being put in an uncomfortable situation of having to choose between siding with their wives or their mothers.

I recently heard a story of a husband-to-be who asked his wife-to-be about the cost of what she will wear for Eid. She had not asked him for a penny. She asked him whether he had finished buying his mother's Eid stuff. She added that if he has not fulfilled his mum's needs, he should not bother about hers.

The kind of rivalry that exist between a mother-in-law and a daughter-in-law is one that is very difficult to fathom. It is difficult for one to tell why a mother will want to compete with her son's wife over the love of her son and why a wife will want to compete with her husband's mother over the love of her husband. Is the love a man has for his mother the same as the love he has for his wife? Definitely, no! So then why would these two women fight over a love that is not the same.

I have always wondered why a mother-in-law will not be happy to see that her son is treating another woman's daughter awesomely. Why will she not be happy knowing that she had brought up a son who is responsible enough to take care of his wife in the proper way? Why will she be angry if her son helps his wife with some house chores and takes care of her financial needs which is his responsibility?

In cases where a son is financially unable to take care of his wife, is it not proper that a mother does so if she is able? Why would a mother want to know the nitty gritty of her son and his wife's marriage?

I have always wondered why some mother-in-laws who were once wives to young men like their sons will not wish that their sons treat their wives how they wish their husbands would have treated them. Would they not have been happy if their husbands had helped them in their chores? Would they not have been happy if their husbands had taken care of all their financial needs to the best of their ability? Would they not have been happy if their husbands had pampered them too? Definitely yes, they would have been. Would they not wish for something like that too for their daughters? So then why would they not be happy for other people's daughters to have the same thing?

Now, to our wives.

I have always maintained that there is absolutely nothing that the husband's mother would do that should warrant disrespect on the part of a daughter-in-law. Yes! I am speaking from the Islamic perspective. What will make anyone disrespect their mother? Nothing! What will make anyone insult their mother? Nothing! In that same way, why will a daughter-in-law for any reason disrespect, insult or fight with her husband's mother?

Why would a daughter-in-law wish for her husband to not take care of his mother both emotionally and financially? Why would she not want to see her husband giving his mother who had carried him in her womb, delivered and catered for him, all the respect that she deserves? Why would she not be happy when her husband serves his mother like every righteous child is supposed to?

Why would a daughter-in-law be angry if her husband's mother corrects her in anything? Would she be angry if her mother does same? Even when her mother-in-law is the difficult type, would she mistreat her own mother if she were the difficult type?

Would she love for her brother's wife to treat her mother in the manner in which she treats her mother-in-law? Will she love that someday her son's wife treats her in the manner she treats her mother-in-law? Why do some women think that it is better to marry a man who has lost his mother? Will they be happy for any woman to pray they die so that they could marry their sons?

These are questions that both mother-in-laws and daughter-in-laws should ask themselves. At least, daughter-in-laws should know that one day, they would become mother-in-laws so that they change the status quo.

Rivalry should never have existed between a mother-in-law and a daughter-in-law. It should have been a beautiful relationship where a mother is happy to see that her son has a companion with whom he would share his life and that she has an addition to her family.

A daughter-in-law should be extremely happy to have another mother in her life and to treat her with love and kindness as she would her mother.

Doing this could bring a lot of serenity and joy to most families which are breaking down due to this unnecessary rivalry between mother-in-laws and their daughter-in-laws.

It is not going to be easy for both the mother-in-laws and the daughter-in-laws but if the mother-in-law thinks of the daughter-in-law as a daughter and the daughter-in-law thinks of the mother-in-law as a mother, every unwanted behaviour could be tolerated and every correction would be welcomed respectively. They will need an abundance of patience, compassion, kindness and understanding for this to work.

We must just take note that there is absolutely nothing that should bring about a rivalry between a mother-in-law and a daughter-in-law ever. A mother-in-law should push her son to take excellent care of his wife and a wife should push her husband to take excellent care of his mother. This is how it should be always.

When women support one another, great things happen. Think and reflect about it. Share the information with others and let us all put our efforts together in making right this unnecessary canker. Jazaakumullaahu khayran for reading. Smile to Jannah!

Rubaba Mmahajia Rahma Sabtiu-Morla

www.mmahajia.blogspot.cim

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www.strivingbeautifulsoul.blogspot.com

www.beforehermarriage.blogspot.com