TODAY: I Saw What I Have Always Wanted To See

Bismil Laahir Rahmaanir Raheem

Assalaamu alaykum wa Rahmatullaahi wa Barkaatuhu my dear brothers and sisters. I pray you are all wallowing in seas of blessings upon blessings. For those going through one struggle or the other, may Allah azza wa jal completely make easy and bearable all your struggles.

I felt wonderful today as I walked passed a certain place. I will tell you about that place in a bit but before that let me tell you a story. Is it even a story? Smiles.

I had my Junior High School education at a Seventh Day Adventist School, McNeilus SDA. From Junior High School One to Three, we never wore ear rings and any kind of jewellery. That is not where my interest is though. On every Friday, we closed very early just like most Islamic schools do.  They close school early so that they could prepare to observe their Sabbath the next day.

We had a very big church in the school where they worship on Saturdays. One key thing you see on Fridays after we close is the church members trooping into the school, most of them men. Some come in their cars and others on foot. They pack their cars at the parking lot and then, what do they do? They clean the whole school and then the church. 

It was very common to see men sweeping the compound, collecting trash and doing all other kinds of cleaning in the school on these days. My father had rented one of his shops to an SDA man and this man, who was a family man and rich, was one of the people you will most often see cleaning up the school and the church to prepare it for their worship the next day.

It was surprising also that most of the people you will see cleaning on these days were men. The females were a handful. Note that I said men and not boys.

Now, that is the end of the story. Smiles. What at all am I driving at? Well, let me tell you another story. 

I live next to a huge Masjid, it is just a not so nice big drain that separates the Masjid and I. Smiles. Well, the Minister for Zongo and Inner City Development promised to fix it. Let's hope he does. Back to what I was saying. This big beautiful Masjid gets cleaned on Fridays too, but early in the morning instead because of Jummua. Who cleans the Masjid? Volunteers. Which volunteers? Women. Yes, it is the women who live in the vicinity of the Masjid who clean it up.

That is very admirable of them and may Allah azza wa jal accept from them their kind gesture to His House. Honestly, I wish I could be joining them do the cleaning but... There is always a but.

That is the end of this story also. Now, don't start contrasting the cleaning of the church with the cleaning of the Masjid just yet. Let me tell you the part two of story number two. 

Once in a while, these women cleaners of the Masjid seem to be nowhere to be found on these Fridays when their services were greatly needed. When such incidences happen, some of the leaders of the Masjid resort to the microphone to call unto the women in the vicinity to come and do the cleaning due to the enormous reward there is to be attained with such an act. They quote aayaat and ahaadith to boost the women to leave off all that they are attending to in their homes to come to clean the Masjid and they always succeed.

These happenings always send me to my world of many thoughts on what should have been and what shouldn't have been. I had just recently come to a conclusion on my thoughts on such matters when I saw an interesting scene as I walked passed the Masjid this morning. Now, you know the place, right? It was the Masjid. 

You can easily guess why I was so interested in the scene I saw. Let me give you a view of it. The Masjid was cleaned and chairs neatly arranged in style. There was a lot of cleaning and organising going on. The beautiful part of the whole thing is that it was men who were doing all of these things. Men! Both young and elderly. I was impressed for sure. The sad thing however is that it was not a Friday and there was not going to be Jummua. It was someone's funeral ceremony.

The question is; 

'If these men could clean and organise this nicely for a funeral, why can't they do same on Fridays too?'

Yes, on Friday mornings as women busily cleaned the Masjid from after Fajr till morning, most of the men in the vicinity either went back to sleep or sat around chatting their time away. But these women mostly have a pile of other works at home they could have been taking care of with that time. 

Back to the church, we all know how these men do not see it as a big deal doing part of the chores at home together with their wives and then they are still able to make time to go and clean up their place of worship. Most of our men on the other hand will leave all household chores to their wives and then even on Friday when they could have at least cleaned their House of worship, they still hold the mentality that it is the work of the women folk.

One day, I was in the office at school when two Junior High School two learners came to invite me to something they were going to do in their class. They said it was going to be in thirty minutes time. I probed them severally for them to tell me what it was but they didn't. So I told them to come get me when they were about to start. They did. Guess what they were going to do? Debate! And the topic? 

'Should boys also do house chores?'

Interesting huh! It seemed, from the way the opponents were almost getting at each other's throat, that they've been arguing about this particular issue for so long. It was an enjoyable event and in the end I concluded that:

'Our girls believe we have been unfair to them in the way we bring our boys up as kings and they, their maids.'

Now, just think deeply about the scenarios above and if you are a man, take a decision for yourself as to whether your help is a necessity or not. If you are a woman, someday, by the permission of Allah azza wa jal, your son is going to be someone's husband and his mentality towards men's involvement in house chores will be shaped by mostly how you and your husband bring him up. It is better to let him know that doing house chores does not and will never make him less of a man. It will rather make him more beloved to his wife and children in future because perhaps most women might not say it but house chores drain them to bits.

Well, let us ponder together. I am completely grateful to you for making time to read it all. May Allah subhaanahu wa ta aalaa continue to put abundant baraka in your life and in all your endeavours. Don't forget me in your dua. Smiles. May the peace, blessings and mercy of Allah azza wa jal be upon the coolness of our eyes, the Messenger of Allah, Muhammad and upon his household and his companions. Thank you and jazaakumullaahu khairan.

Rubaba Mmahajia Rahma Sabtiu-Morla

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AN OPEN LETTER TO THE ASOKORE MAMPONG MUNICIPAL ASSEMBLY

TO WHOMEVER IT MAY CONCERN

Dear Sir or Madam,

It is my prayer that you and your staff are doing excellent in all your endeavours. May God bless you for your massive contribution to the development of our dear nation. Do pardon me if I have skipped any protocol. Let me go straight to the point.

The reason for writing to you this letter is simple; the state of some and or all of your washrooms. It is not pleasant to say but they are in such pathetic states. Someone I know and respect a lot paid a visit to your Assembly and the scene that met his eyes when he decided to use the washroom was a no no no. 

It is definitely someone's duty to clean the place and that janitor must also have a supervisor who probably also reports to someone else about the state of the washrooms and or other facilities in the Assembly. I hope that is right? If yes, then a lot of people are being paid for work they don't do and that is an injustice of a kind. You may want to deal with that matter in the most beautiful of ways as soon as possible. If no, then the Assembly needs to realign its priorities. As much as we need clean offices to work in, we need even cleaner washrooms. A janitor or janitors should be in the top part of our scale of preference as an organization, as an Assembly. We must simply have them, especially where we don't want to do the work ourselves.

Now, for a washroom to get to this state, we cannot blame only the janitor and the poor supervision of his work. We are fully right to blame the workers who use the place everyday as well. Take a careful look at this picture of the washroom that is tagged here. You may not want to look at it again after the first mistaken or curious glance. And that is because it could cause you to vomit or nauseate. That is how bad it is Sir or Madam. How do you then use the place so comfortably yourself to the point of directing a visitor to the place? It beats my mind.

Now, what has stained the closet so badly? I don't want to think about options. Plus, is it that the workers don't flush out the waste after taking care of themselves? Grown ups? And what measures have been taken to put an end to that bad habit? What really could be causing this problem? You must definitely have an idea. It is and will forever be true that being clean is not only about the cleaning resources at our disposal but it is also about our attitude towards cleanliness. You may have all the soaps, detergents, mop sticks, scrubbing brushes and more but if you have a negative attitude to cleanliness, we will still have a situation such as portrayed in the picture. We must also note that it is never a waste of resources to budget appropriately for cleaning items to ensure a clean and nice smelling work environment at all times.

If your workers understand that when one emits faecal matter or urine into the closet, it must be flushed out; we may not have gotten to this. If they understood that when one mistakenly pours water on the floor of the washroom, it must be mopped; we may not have gotten to this. If they understood that when one dirties the washroom with his feet or anything, he must clean it up; we may not have gotten to this. We will not get to a point where our washrooms are in such messy states if we understood these simple rules of cleanliness whether we have a janitor or not. 

Or wait! Is it that we are 'too big' to do any kind of cleaning no matter how meagre it is even if we caused them? That is not a very encouraging and praiseworthy attitude to have as people, educated people. I ever worked in an organisation where the accountant who comes to work a lot earlier than others sometimes does the cleaning himself. Yes! There were people to do that but if he was at work and they weren't in yet, he does the cleaning of the washrooms and the offices himself. Now, that is the positive attitude to cleanliness we are talking about. 

If we would not reduce the janitor's work by cleaning up some of our mess, at least we should call them after we have messed up to clean it up so that no one comes to meet such an unsightly situation - so that our washrooms do not become this messy over a short period of time. At least, all things being equal, you don't want even the janitor to come and flush your excreta for you. That is so so so bad, unhealthy and uncharacteristic of being educated people who are considered to know better when it comes to such things.

And wait! Is it that we put other things in the closet instead of excreta? Well, let me hold that bit here. I just want you to really take note that this is for a good cause. Let us see a change in our attitude to cleanliness. This letter is not only to you at the Assembly but to every person who will read this; we don't want this in our work places and we definitely don't want it in our homes.

Thank you for your time. Do pardon anything I have said that may not have gone down well with you. It is truly for a good cause.

Your Concerned Citizen

Signed

Rubaba Mmahajia Rahma Sabtiu-Morla

The Rivalry that Shouldn't Have Started: When Mother and Daughter Fight

Assalaamu alaykum wa Rahmatullaahi wa Barkaatahu dear brothers and sisters. I pray that you are in the best state of eemaan and health. May Allah azza wa jal ease for us all of our affairs, accept from us all our good deeds and pardon our shortcomings. Aameen Yaa Allah!

Rivalry can be understood simply as competition for the same objective or for superiority in the same field.

Note the word 'same'.

There is rivalry among industries which mostly have same product lines. They compete with one another for the attention of customers. They compete through a variety of ways, such as; product differentiation, excellent advertisement and packaging, lower price yet great quality, etc in order to be superior compared to others in the same line of work. They want the customer to prefer to buy their products instead of that of others anytime and any day.

We are told of how Abdullah bin Ubayy ibn Salul was soaring heights as a great leader in Yathrib to the point where his people wanted to make him king and then Prophet Muhammad suallallaahu alayhi wa sallam had migrated with his companions to Yathrib. Prophet Muhammad suallallaahu alayhi wa sallam with his awesome personality suddenly won the hearts of the people such that their attention was now directed to him leaving ibn Salul, who became known as the Chief of Hypocrites, without as much command as he used to possess. Then Ibn  Salul's rivalry towards rasuulullaah (the Messenger of Allah) began. He did everything to demean the Prophet but to no avail.

Although Sarah had agreed for her husband, Prophet Ibrahim alayhis salaam to marry Haajar who was their helper due to her inability to have a baby, some years later, she felt great rivalry towards Haajar that it became incumbent that their husband took Haajar away to a far place. Sarah did not want to compete with Haajar over her husband.

Aa'isha bint Abubakar radiyallaahu anhum, was extremely jealous of Khadijah bint Khuwailid,  who was her husband's first and only wife until her death. Aa'isha felt great rivalry towards her due to the affection with which her husband spoke about her and how he treated anyone connected to his former wife even when she was dead and gone. Aa'isha wanted her husband's full attention.

She narrated that; “I never felt so jealous of any wife of Allah’s Apostle (saws) as I did of Khadija (radiyallaahu anhaa) because Allah’s Apostle (saws) used to remember and praise her too often and because it was revealed to Allah’s Apostle (saws) that he should give her (Khadija (raa)) the glad tidings of her having a palace of Qasab (pipes of precious stones and pearls) in Paradise .”

Wedlock, Marriage (Nikaah) – Shahih Bukhari: Volume 7, Book 62, Number 156

Jealousy is a natural feeling that causes a lot of rivalry in different spheres of life among people. Some jealousy is evil in itself. An example is where a person is jealous of the progress of another which when not curbed could lead to the kind of rivalry where one wishes for the downfall of another. There is also the kind of jealousy which when not acted upon is totally harmless and it may even lead to something good.

An example is where a person feels jealous of someone who performs better than him or her in class and due to that he or she studies hard in order to become as good.

When the Prophet Muhammad suallallaahu alayhi wa sallam had sent a proposal to marry Umm Salma a few years after the death of his wife, Khadijah, she had given him three excuses for which she could not marry him. One of the reasons was that she was an extremely jealous woman. The Prophet did not condemn that jealousy but assured her that he will pray to Allah azza wa jal to take that jealousy out of her heart.

 "...jealousy on the part of the husband and wife, if it is of the type that is part of human nature which no woman is free from, then it is excused, so long as she does not overstep the mark and do or say anything that Allaah has forbidden..."

Fath al-Baari, 9/326.

A story is told of a wife whose husband told her that he needs her to buy some items for their mother so that they will send it to her. When he asked how much she would need, she mentioned a small amount. He was surprised but she insisted it was enough so he gave her the amount. She bought a few things and they set off to the mother's place. She realized that her husband was driving towards her mother's house instead. She became alarmed and asked where he was going. He was surprised because he already told her where they were going. He told her that they were going to her mother's place. They call both of their mother's in much the same way but when he had mentioned that they were sending some items to mother, she had, without finding out which mother, thought that it was his mother. She therefore didn't want them to give her anything substantial that was why she took that small amount. Now that she knew they were going to her mother, she felt bad because her mother was going to be disappointed at the few items they had brought her because she knew her husband could buy her a lot more items. She tried to pursued her husband to let them get some more items but he did not agree.

A woman who was married off at a very tender age was left to care for her two boys alone a few years after her marriage because her husband died and none of his family members were willing to help her. She strived hard and did all manner of decent jobs to build up her family. She got a decent house, educated her boys to a great level and fed them well. The kids took over the financial needs of the house when they started working. The elder child got married and there began some few clashes between her and their mother - it was mostly concerned with the kitchen. The mother was a great cook and kept her home organised.

Unfortunately, her son's wife was not great at those things. For peace sake however, she decided to stay away from the kitchen and let her daughter-in-law take care of everything however she wished even though she didn't like it. Though she was fond of both her sons, because the elder one married, she was mostly together with the younger one. They grew very close and he adored her. He will massage her feet, stay with her until late into the night, run errands for her and keep her completely happy. Soon, he also introduced the lady he wanted to marry to his mother. She was excited and she fell in love with the girl's personality from their first meeting.

The girl proved even more lovable with the way she handled the house after marriage and their mother could not hide her affection for her younger son's wife. But soon the mother began feeling lonely as her younger son was now into his wife instead. He no longer kept her that much company. He was not always available for her. She mostly stares at his closed door and she misses chatting with him throughout the night. She began to have negative feelings towards his wife.

With time, due to her incessant complaints, her son began to dislike his wife and they fought a lot.  He began to restrict his wife in many things such as the rate at which she visited her family. Her mother always advised her to endure the trials and assured her that it will all pass. This lady had a father who was extremely ill and he was on admission at the hospital. The man was the one who took care of her mother and her when her father died so she considered him her father.

One day, she was told that the man wanted to see her. She told her husband but he told her not to go. Her mother had told her that she will pick her up from her house so that they will go to the hospital together. She had added that she felt the man wanted to spend his last moments with her. The lady pleaded with her husband to make her go to see her father but he said no. His mother was glad to see them fighting. His wife decided to go still. Her mother had come to wait for her down their stairs.

The wife went down the stairs to meet her mother so they could go. Her husband came after her angrily whilst his mum watched them. Her husband shouted that if she went another step, she was never ever going to be his wife again. The wife in tears looked up at him and down at her mother and she went to her mother and they left. That was the end of their marriage.

His mother watched him grow worse by the day out of sorrow. She regretted her contribution to the downfall of her son's marriage. She went to visit her daughter-in-law but she was told that she had moved to another country because she could not handle the death of her father. Her father had died a few minutes after he had seen her that day her husband divorced her.

The women who have been gifted with the ability to carry a baby in their belly and deliver it, can best say the kind of amazing joy they feel when they can finally carry their baby in their hands. This baby if a girl, may one day become a daughter-in-law to another woman and if a man, a husband to another woman.

A man who is a husband is mostly found between two beloved women in his life, his mother and his wife. That should have been among his greatest blessings. Unfortunately however, we mostly find men being put in an uncomfortable situation of having to choose between siding with their wives or their mothers.

I recently heard a story of a husband-to-be who asked his wife-to-be about the cost of what she will wear for Eid. She had not asked him for a penny. She asked him whether he had finished buying his mother's Eid stuff. She added that if he has not fulfilled his mum's needs, he should not bother about hers.

The kind of rivalry that exist between a mother-in-law and a daughter-in-law is one that is very difficult to fathom. It is difficult for one to tell why a mother will want to compete with her son's wife over the love of her son and why a wife will want to compete with her husband's mother over the love of her husband. Is the love a man has for his mother the same as the love he has for his wife? Definitely, no! So then why would these two women fight over a love that is not the same.

I have always wondered why a mother-in-law will not be happy to see that her son is treating another woman's daughter awesomely. Why will she not be happy knowing that she had brought up a son who is responsible enough to take care of his wife in the proper way? Why will she be angry if her son helps his wife with some house chores and takes care of her financial needs which is his responsibility?

In cases where a son is financially unable to take care of his wife, is it not proper that a mother does so if she is able? Why would a mother want to know the nitty gritty of her son and his wife's marriage?

I have always wondered why some mother-in-laws who were once wives to young men like their sons will not wish that their sons treat their wives how they wish their husbands would have treated them. Would they not have been happy if their husbands had helped them in their chores? Would they not have been happy if their husbands had taken care of all their financial needs to the best of their ability? Would they not have been happy if their husbands had pampered them too? Definitely yes, they would have been. Would they not wish for something like that too for their daughters? So then why would they not be happy for other people's daughters to have the same thing?

Now, to our wives.

I have always maintained that there is absolutely nothing that the husband's mother would do that should warrant disrespect on the part of a daughter-in-law. Yes! I am speaking from the Islamic perspective. What will make anyone disrespect their mother? Nothing! What will make anyone insult their mother? Nothing! In that same way, why will a daughter-in-law for any reason disrespect, insult or fight with her husband's mother?

Why would a daughter-in-law wish for her husband to not take care of his mother both emotionally and financially? Why would she not want to see her husband giving his mother who had carried him in her womb, delivered and catered for him, all the respect that she deserves? Why would she not be happy when her husband serves his mother like every righteous child is supposed to?

Why would a daughter-in-law be angry if her husband's mother corrects her in anything? Would she be angry if her mother does same? Even when her mother-in-law is the difficult type, would she mistreat her own mother if she were the difficult type?

Would she love for her brother's wife to treat her mother in the manner in which she treats her mother-in-law? Will she love that someday her son's wife treats her in the manner she treats her mother-in-law? Why do some women think that it is better to marry a man who has lost his mother? Will they be happy for any woman to pray they die so that they could marry their sons?

These are questions that both mother-in-laws and daughter-in-laws should ask themselves. At least, daughter-in-laws should know that one day, they would become mother-in-laws so that they change the status quo.

Rivalry should never have existed between a mother-in-law and a daughter-in-law. It should have been a beautiful relationship where a mother is happy to see that her son has a companion with whom he would share his life and that she has an addition to her family.

A daughter-in-law should be extremely happy to have another mother in her life and to treat her with love and kindness as she would her mother.

Doing this could bring a lot of serenity and joy to most families which are breaking down due to this unnecessary rivalry between mother-in-laws and their daughter-in-laws.

It is not going to be easy for both the mother-in-laws and the daughter-in-laws but if the mother-in-law thinks of the daughter-in-law as a daughter and the daughter-in-law thinks of the mother-in-law as a mother, every unwanted behaviour could be tolerated and every correction would be welcomed respectively. They will need an abundance of patience, compassion, kindness and understanding for this to work.

We must just take note that there is absolutely nothing that should bring about a rivalry between a mother-in-law and a daughter-in-law ever. A mother-in-law should push her son to take excellent care of his wife and a wife should push her husband to take excellent care of his mother. This is how it should be always.

When women support one another, great things happen. Think and reflect about it. Share the information with others and let us all put our efforts together in making right this unnecessary canker. Jazaakumullaahu khayran for reading. Smile to Jannah!

Rubaba Mmahajia Rahma Sabtiu-Morla

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